So this is the life ?
by Stephy69
Summary: REWRITE. Hermione's diary shows a side of her, and the rest of her friends, in a very different light. Is she really just a bookworm, or is she so much more ?


**So, this is the life?**

**By **: Stephy69.

**Rated **: M. For regular sexual references.

**Characters** : Most of the original HP cast.

**Spoilers** : Um, not really. You see, I've completely ignored Voldemort's rise. For purposes of this story; he died at the end of fifth year, leaving them two fun filled years. No one's dead. Except old Voldy, of course :P

**Pairings** : None yet.

**Disclaimer** : Does it look like I own ? No. All characters and such belong to JKR. I am merely borrowing them to have my wicked way with.

**Author Notes :** Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle have put all hostilities behind them. And now get along quite well with the Gryffindors. Draco hasn't. Nor does he want to.

**Date : September 1st.**

**Location : Girls dorm.**

**Mood : Fatigued**

What am I supposed to write in here? My inner most feelings? My dreams and aspirations? Oh please. This is Hogwarts, where nothing is private. Mother says it's a good way to get out pent up aggression and a way to express my inner most feelings. Basically, she wants me to write all this down so that, when I come home for the holidays, she can read it all. Yeah, like I'd let her do that. No, I'll only use this thing occasionally. When I go on one of my rants. Yes. That's what I'll do. And today, is one of those days.

Normally, I love the train journey to Hogwarts - it's usually the only time we can talk to Luna or Neville without the Slytherins being with us, seeing as they're busy catching up with each other. I don't think they socialize much outside school. With each other I mean. But today, watching my five best friends, I wished they'd come by. Sure Pansy's high pitched voice is annoying, but she's always the life and soul of the party, sure, Crabbe and Goyle are dense, but they know some of the best dirty jokes ever and Blaise, let's just say he's the best fro relationship advice. A regular Dr. Phil. Mainly because his mother's such a whore. And then we have Draco. He refuses to speak to any of us. Well, occasionally he'll say something. But it's rare.

I was seated between Neville and Luna, staring at the faces in front of me. They were all talking about some pointless Quidditch match which had occurred during the summer - filling Harry in on the details with Luna occasionally pointing out that several players had Glatterboyne. Whatever that was. You see Luna's a lot like me. She has a façade. I'm sure she's not as insane as she claims to be. In fact, I'm sure she's quite normal really, keeping a watch on all of us. Attempting to remember quotes and scenes from our conversations and make some big scrap book or something. She's very big on friendship these days. I feel sorry for her really. Those radishes are kinda cool…

And so I watched them, thinking of them from a different point of view. I like doing that sometimes. Pretending I'm not really me, and observing. I'm good at that. And so I've found myself thinking, if I wasn't really Hermione Granger, if I was someone else…say Pansy how would I see my friends? I don't really try being Pansy much, she sees them much like I do, these days. It's more fun with Draco see. He sees the bad in all of us. Never the good. I'm sure he's suicidal for simply breathing the same air as us. And so I sat staring, although it probably looked more like glaring to the others, and thinking in "Draco terms", and do you know what I saw ? A homosexual, two nymphomaniacs, an empty headed buffoon and a spy. Not the nicest of people huh ? But like I said, he sees the bad in things.

For example, Harry's sexuality doesn't bother any of us. Except maybe Blaise - it makes him a little uncomfortable when Harry looks at him with those "lust filled eyes" of his. I should point out "us" never includes Draco. God, he's come into this entry quite a bit, hasn't he ? Why? Oh yes, I was thinking like him. I suddenly felt sorry for Harry. I mean, he couldn't help it, as my mother often told me - she's all for gay pride, you see. But it suddenly dawned on me that he wasn't Harry Potter - Boy Who Lived, anymore. He was Harry Potter - token Gay boy. And he didn't even realize. He's strangely naïve, is Harry. We really should get him to wizen up. But that's another story.

So we have the two nymphomaniacs. Or sluts, as I prefer to call them. I think it runs in the family, to be perfectly honest, because Ron and Ginny are disgracefully vulgar. Always thinking about sex. Like just now, Ginny was rubbing Harry's leg tenderly, Harry was looking utterly disgusted and Ron was doing anything but look at them, resulting in a few rather lustful looks towards Luna. It could just be Luna bending over, or Harry talking about erecting a tent and their eyes light up like kids in toy stores. But thankfully, Ron is one hundred percent heterosexual. I'm pretty sure Draco would have been homicidal rather than suicidal, had both of them been gay.

And then it struck me. My best friends really were amazing. I was trying to see the worst in them, and still, I loved them. How sweet is that ? Sickeningly. I try not to think in such a manner. It turns your brain to mush, I'm sure. I've totally lost the point behind this entry. Ahh, no. it's about the unusual train journey to Hogwarts today.

We were traveling for over two hours before any sign of the Slytheribobs. I had long since given up hopes that anyone would have intelligent conversation and so, I was currently sprawled across one side of the compartment, feet up on Neville's legs, playing Exploding Snap with Ginny. I'm not very good at any wizarding games. But it's alright really. Except I get an awful fright when they explode. Suppose that's the point really…

Anyways, I was just getting comfortable when the compartment door slid open, right beside my head, and I was pushed forward with a loud screech of. "Mione your hair is GORRRRRGGGEEEOUS." Naturally, I didn't expect Blaise, Crabbe or Goyle to have said such a thing so even if that girls voice wasn't so distinctive, I'd have known it was her. I sat up, a card exploding on my finger as I did so, as I had just placed a "SNAP" card down. I felt, even though we were friends now, that me hugging Pansy was still rather traitorous and so, I had always refrained from doing so. Until today. The crazy bitch grabbed me and pulled me into a most back breaking hug. It hurt quite a bit, I'll tell you.

It's hard trying to fit ten people in such a small compartment. Ginny had given up her seat and offered to sit on Harry's knee, much to his displeasure and Ron had offered that Luna could sit on his, causing a toe to connect with his groin, and not in a pleasurable way. And then, right there. We heard a laugh. It wasn't a familiar sound, and each one of us turned to stare at the compartment door where Draco was currently struggling to hold himself up, laughing. "That has to be the worst chat up line EVER Weasley." he said, shaking his head, tears almost streaming from his eyes. "Come sit on my knee Luna and we'll see what pops up." He said, his voice a little higher than usual - no doubt an attempt to copy Ron's voice. None of us knew what to say. Not only was that the most any of us had heard him speak in well over a year, but he was laughing. Sure, he was making a fool of Ron, but it was at least, a start.

Pansy ended up squishing me, in an attempt to get a seat, almost knocking poor Luna out. I swear that girl always gets the brunt of the matter. So there we all were - on one side Harry, with a gleeful Ginny perched on his lap, Ron, Blaise and Draco, who was still struggling to compose himself. And on the other, Neville who looked highly embarrassed having not understood Ron's "chat up line" and having to have Blaise explain, Luna, myself and Pansy. Crabbe and Goyle stood. It's strange really. I don't call the others Parkinson, Zabini and Malfoy, so why do I call them by their last names? I'll have to ask Pansy what their first names are. Although, I doubt she knows.

Of course, it was all Ginny's idea - what happened, I mean. She decided it would be fun to play a game. Said it was the only way to break the ice. Personally, I thought Ron's little one liner to Luna broke the ice perfectly well but alas, not to Ginny. She thought we should play a game the sixth years had often played in the previous year. Secrets, it was called. Just at the name of the game, Luna's eyes widened and a strangely sinister look came over her. Apparently, how you play is, you all use the same quill, and the same type of parchment and you each write a secret on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in a hat or something of the like, then one by one, someone has to pick it out, read the secret and guess who's secret it is. Personally, I found it quite lame but I figured it would be fun.

And so, I rummaged in my bag, trying to find enough parchment for all of us which - of course - was no problem for me. But I had so much pointless junk in my bag, that it took me quite a while. My Hogwarts list, my Head Girl acceptance letter, my badge. I didn't need to carry crap like that around. But I did. I cant help it. So anyways, after I found my parchment, I ripped it into ten pieces, and handed it out. Ginny had found a Muggle pen in her bag, which no doubt belonged to her father and thought it would make more sense to use that, no ink blotting etc.

And so the fun began.

As each of us wrote in silence, I watched the others, trying to work out their secrets. It's pretty hard. Sure, I can think like others. But guess secrets? Not so easy. We all wrote hurriedly before throwing all our pieces of parchment in a plant pot Neville just "happened" to have with him. I swear there's something odd with that boy. So anyways, we all put our pieces of paper in and Luna gave it a good mix, mixing with the wrong end of her wand. And, in all fairness we said, "let the youngest go first." Well actually, Blaise said that, and no one argued. But you get the point.

So Luna dives in and picks up one piece of paper and when she opened it, her eyes widened. I swear, they were roughly the size of DOBBY's eyes so we all knew it had to be a good one. She cleared her throat, and in her usually dreamy voice, read it out. Everyone's jaw dropped. No one knew who to look at. Who to accuse. Who could that have belonged to ? Naturally, I had to find out. It was practically compulsory. But the first line of it made it pretty clear that they wouldn't be found out. "I won't ever tell her".

Damn.

But what it said compelled me.

"I won't ever tell her, but I have a huge crush on Hermione."


End file.
